What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 00:48
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I will be 64.
If it weren't for your ult, which group would be your ult?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Former ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ star breaks down in tears over ALS diagnosis - PennLive.com
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Connor Zilisch and crew chief Dale Earnhardt Jr. win Pocono NASCAR Xfinity race - Motorsport.com
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
CVS is shutting down 271 stores in 18 states. Is your pharmacy affected? - NJ.com
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
10 Must-See Movies at the 2025 Tribeca Festival - IndieWire
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Aut consectetur debitis ullam.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why was the rock band Kiss so successful?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But ive been too sick for many years..
First-round pairings for NASCAR Cup In-Season Challenge are set - NBC Sports
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She found it foreign!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Tony Awards Up 38% From 2024 To Draw Best Audience In 6 Years On CBS - Deadline
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Hillary thinks we must censor or "we lose total control". Why does she demand total control?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Long, dark 'streaks' spotted on Mars aren't what scientists thought - Live Science
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She loved him until the end.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He knew the spot.
I was very sick at this time too.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But, we were locked up after school.
I was 9 years of age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Ive learnt so much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Would this be the day?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But it wasn’t much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She married twice! .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Especially a lifetime of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was in good health!
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So, i spoilt her more .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
All the time i was locked up.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot live in the past .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Comes on , in middle age.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When she asked me how she looked .
This is soul school!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We were not on the streets..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I waited trembling.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was seconnd youngest,
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I have no regrets .
We all went to grammer schools
What did i know ?
My family never makes their pension either.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Put me off passion for life!!
My life is so biszare .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She wouldn,t have been !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im still living with it.
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..